Have you ever had a moment where in desperation you needed to find some sort of sign of hope? I must admit I’ve been very needy lately in that regard. I’m going through a lot, and most of which I can’t adequately express. However, I have been at a loss as to what to do. I really honestly don’t even know what’s next or even what’s just around the corner. I’m in a place where I’m living second by second, minute by minute and taking everything one hour and one day at a time.
You know those moments in life where you get an unexpected curve ball when you’ve been batting above average? Those moments in life that take the wind out of you and the mountain you’ve been standing on suddenly becomes a plateau and you see an uphill climb, worse, battle before you? That moment where you think you’ve arrived, only to find out that you are so much farther than you thought. It’s almost as if as soon as the snow has settled in your snow globe, so to speak, then someone comes and violently shakes your entire world up— and you’re encroached in a whirlwind of flakes that blind your vision, making it entirely impossible to see? Well, I’m walking in that blizzard.
Life is interesting, and you never really arrive. You have highs and lows, and sometimes even funks that seem as if you are completely stuck. Regardless, I have been going through the emotions of trying to recalibrate myself, assess the damage, and determine a course of action and some semblance of a plan. I almost feel as though Gretel did, when she got lost in the woods and realized the birds have eaten her crumbs. No landmarks. No remembrance of which way she came from.
Tonight, I cried out to God. A lot is on my mind. My future. The future I want compared to the present I’m living in. And the vast expanse in between. I want so badly to get right, to be completely whole and of course strong, beautiful and conqueror of my world. As I wait, sometimes impatiently, I sometimes get caught in the thicket of thoughts that push me deeper into the pit of despair. Fortunately, I’ve had this reoccurrence of undeniable examples that have shown me to turn that despair into thanksgiving. Things are never as bad as they seem, and others are always facing much more difficult battles. Of course, it’s learning to live in joy no matter what you feel like or what is going on around you. I’ve always been a positive person, but when it comes to myself I can be my worst critic— cynical and even presuming the worst. Somehow I’ve had a little strength in the weakest of moments, where I’ve been able to declare to myself that I am blessed and that I have everything I need to become who I’m meant to be as well as get to where I belong.
Tonight, I needed hope. I haven’t felt a need for hope like I have in the most recent months, probably ever in my life. I’ve faced more difficult times emotionally, but when the world seems to be short on goodness and generosity and rich in all the wrong things— hope is hard to come by. And even harder to come by amidst of the trials I am facing.
Tonight, in near tears, I cried out to God. I prayed from the deepest part of my heart for an answer, a sign, anything to show me that things would be okay. I wanted to know that God was hearing me, that He was working things out, that He was there. It was a moment of panic—sheer panic. It was like a fission of despair but a moment of violent hope and it came thrusting into my room, through the Word, and hitting straight into the very nerve of my heart. I opened the Bible, which I haven’t done in a while honestly, and it opened right up to this page. I almost think I half closed my eyes in fear that I would see something that wouldn’t directly relate to what I was inquiring. Doubting I could find what I was looking for.
And then something miraculous happened. God answered me. Clearly, specifically, and directly in the way that I was seeking. I saw the title “Messages of Hope” It was as if He was reading my mail. Before I even opened the pages, I said aloud “I NEED HOPE” in an earnest cry, and the first words I saw on the page were “Messages of Hope” It was in that exact moment the fission of fear, doubt and panic was met with a fusion of faith, hope and encouragement. I’ve honestly had many moments where I’ve encountered God, but this was a direct answer to a prayer, at precisely the right time—when I needed it most.
I continued to read …
Isaiah 56:1-2 “Guard my common good: Do what’s right and do it in the right way, For salvation is just around the corner, my setting-things-right is about to go into action.”
It took my breath away. In that perfect moment, God answered my prayer.
I’ll leave you with one of my favorite quotes, which just so happens to be fitting.
“There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something better tomorrow.”
And as a result, tonight, I’m going to bed with hope. And great expectations. xxoo Alicia