Trusting The Process…

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If you’re anything like me, you are completely human. I don’t know about you, but I can be anxious about the future. I’m sitting here spinning my wheels, yet again, in anxiety about the future and this potential move to Seattle. Thoughts run through my head a little something like this… “How am I going to get my furniture half way across the country? I can’t afford to rent a UHaul!!” “How am I going to find NORMAL roommates in Seattle?! How am I ever going to find the perfect living situation/house while living in Illinois?!” “What if that dream job never opens up, should I be looking for a job right now?” “How am I ever going to afford a place in Seattle, one of THE most expensive areas in the Nation?!” You get the idea.

As soon as God began speaking about Seattle my heart has been a bundle of nerves, fluttering at all the seeming impossibilities. You want me to move there, from here? It’s like I’m looking for a needle in a haystack with 2,200+ miles in between me and my future. This future is so far off, yet so close I can taste it. I want to just curl up in a ball and huddle up under my covers until the monsters are out of my closet, if you know what I mean! How am I going to live without my family at the comfort of my backyard? How am I going to find a better paying job to afford the price of living over there? What about my finances? How will I ever get past this season of frustration? The thoughts spiral endlessly. Have you been there? It’s painful and almost unbearable. The brink of transition is quite possibly the most uncomfortable place to be. Yet, through it all, I hear the Lord speaking…

I was reading in my Bible today and stumbled across this passage

2 Corinthians 2:12ish MSG

“When I arrived in Troas to proclaim the Message of the Messiah, I found the place wide open. God had opened the door, all I had to do was walk through it.

Could it really be that simple? Could the path for my future really be that easy? It’s funny how our circumstances can scare us into silence and stun us to stand still. I want to follow the path that God has for me, but I’m completely afraid. What if I fail? What if I fall down? Who will catch me? I’m reminded again of Rebekah Lyons book title “Freefall to Fly.” Maybe God is calling me out like He called out Abraham.

Genesis 12:1-3 One day, the Eternal One called out to Abram.

Eternal One: Abram, get up and go! Leave your country. Leave your relatives and your father’s home, and travel to the land I will show you.[a] Don’t worryI will guide you thereI have plans to make a great people from your descendants. And I am going to put a special blessing on you and cause your reputation to grow so that you will become a blessing and example to othersI will also bless those who bless you and further you in your journey, and I’ll trip up those who try to trip you along the way.Through your descendants, all of the families of the earth will find their blessing in you.[b]

Hebrews 11:8 It was by faith that Abraham obeyed when God called him to leave home and go to another land that God would give him as his inheritance. He went without knowing where he was going.

Sometimes I feel like I don’t know where I’m going or why. It just doesn’t make sense right now. Could it be that God is leading me out for a special purpose? Honestly, I have felt as if this last season I have been in has been a wilderness season, a dry season. It’s been a testing and trying time that’s broken me down and built me up– yet, as painful as it has been, I’d do it over again for the purpose it’s served in my life. Lately, I have felt the tension of transition as my life is being pulled back, preparing to be launched forward. I can sense the anticipation of take-off as I’m being taxied down the runway, but how long before the engine is revved in final preparation? It’s that waiting and wondering that trips me up. I’m sitting in the plane, ticket tucked neatly away, buckled and waiting. I’m wondering what step of the journey I am in as I listen to each sound of the engine. Are we getting closer? Is it time yet? It’s certainly the dawning of a new season which is always frightening yet thrilling. Yet transition is the period where you find yourself in a season that is ending,  but are still in the midst of watching the new season unfold. Why is change so unsettling? It’s really the only thing that is unchanging. Never the less, as you have no control once the plane doors are closed, so is life and the changing of seasons beyond our control. So what do you do when you find yourself in this situation? You have a few options. You can panic and fight against the forces that be–or you can sit back and enjoy the flight. Sometimes you just need to trust the process. There is always a reason for whatever it is you are going through. We may not always see it right away, but one day it will all make sense.

The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 13:12-13

12 We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!

13 But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.

Trusting in God doesn’t mean taking control. It’s honestly the opposite. Giving control over to God doesn’t mean we sit down on our hands in defeat. It isn’t walking ahead either. As I was reading today, God reminded me that my journey is like one perpetual parade. Let me explain. In 2 Corinthians 2:14 it says:

“In the Messiah, In Christ, God leads us from place to place in one perpetual victory parade.”

I started to think about a parade. The members in a parade have their assigned places. They stand there in procession, waiting for room to move. The only direction they proceed is forward. A parade doesn’t have many twists and turns and everyone is headed in the same forward moving direction. If the parade moves to the left, everyone in the parade moves left. I thought about that for a moment and how that might possibly apply to my life. If only I move forward as He leads, as He speaks, how simple it would be. I’m realizing more and more that it’s OKAY for me not to be in complete control of every next step, but that it’s only my responsibility to move forward at His command. It really makes things simple if I keep two things in mind. ONE– If God wills it, He will open the door, make the way plain, and all I have to do is walk through the door. TWO–Allow God to lead and follow. It’s so simple when I put it into that perspective. So the anxious concerns and questions in my mind can be reduced to a few simple truths. IF God wills for me to move to Seattle, He is going to open a wide door, meet and answer every concern with a solution, and will just ask that I walk through the door in full faith that His plan is GOOD. He will meet every one of my needs, because God is my provider. Through it all, He will lead me from place to place in one PERPETUAL (ongoing, non-stop, fluid) parade.

Ahhhhhh, I can breathe again… I can rest assured that He has it all under control. And I don’t have to move until He speaks. So for right now, I will just enjoy the ride.

xoxo Alicia Barkley

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