Dear J

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Found myself today singing out your name,
You said I’m crazy,
If I am I’m crazy for you.

Sometimes sitting in the dark wishing you were here
Turns me crazy,
But it’s you who makes me lose my head.

And every time I’m meant to be acting sensible
You drift into my head
And turn me into a crumbling fool.

Tell me to run and I’ll race,
If you want me to stop I’ll freeze,
And if you want me gone. I’ll leave, just hold me closer baby,
And make me crazy for you.
Crazy for you.

Lately with this state I’m in I can’t help myself but spin.
I wish you’d come over,
Send me spinning closer to you.

My oh my, how my blood boils, it’s sweet taste for you,
Strips me down bare
And gets me into my favorite mood.

I keep on trying, fighting these feelings away,
But the more I do,
The crazier I turn into.

Pacing floors and opening doors,
Hoping you’ll walk through
And save me boy,
Because I’m too crazy for you.
Crazy for you –Adele “Crazy For You”

I’m proud of the woman I am becoming, but I’m wondering if she’s bringing you along.

Weakness isn’t always a sign of defeat, but when you left, you left me.

I fell into an abyss which I’m still crawling out of, and I don’t know if you will ever understand. It wasn’t all you.

I’m special chemically.

Can you handle me?

You couldn’t handle me emotionally, so what makes me think you can handle the whole me.

It feels like a huge chasm is between the woman I was when you left and the woman who is emerging today.

Part of me still loves you and part of me can’t respect the way you dipped out.

I’m worth the fight.

You say you want someone who will stand beside you through thick and thin, and yet I’ve walked these waters alone and I’m here still standing. You didn’t want me to wait for you, but you left with my heart on hold.

It’s been 5 months and you still find a way to writhe and wriggle through my mind; it’s as if the universe won’t let me forget you.

422 is the new dress blue.

I don’t even know what this hold is.

It’s illogical, dis illusional, and void of substance.

It’s like my heart is anchored in a dream that lasted two weeks.

Maybe it was the taste of you, the pheromones, or the way you held me. It just fit just right.

You know that feeling when you hug someone and it feels like you are home. That’s how it felt when you held me.

Now you feel like a foreign land; a word filled with emotions but without a place.

What are you anymore? Who are you?

mono sylabic.

Jake.

6’4 and magnetic.

Part time lover of my soul.

As the leaves change and distance remains between verses spoken, I ward off the chill with your cozy camo.

I’m vulnerable like a deer in the thrust of nature, your eye on me from miles away.

Your scope is positioned just above your right eye, as you suss out my distance.

I’m naked and unfolding.

You read me like a story you’ve written yourself, but I jump off the pages in my real life.

You won’t recognize this girl, anymore.

She’s stronger than before.

She’s risen and fallen and hit rock bottom.

She’s still standing firm.

She’s not a wasp as you’d like to imagine her. She’s a strong fortress, and within herself she finds respite.

She’s evolving and blossoming–a beautiful array of colors your eyes have yet to see.

A sight for sore eyes.

She knows more of who she is and more of what she wants.

NO BS.

She walks the tight rope of decision with you, holding a tall pole that sways with reason.

In her heart you are still there.

You never left.

In her mind, she has outgrown you. Her dreams are bigger than you, even though you tower over her.

In her mind she is open and destined for greatness and someone great.

On most days she can push you aside and live life freely, with confidence and without looking back.

But, on cold October days, you come rolling in with the cold front. Your memory is so heavy but refuses to sink.

Heartbreak is a certain level of eloquence, but she eloquently dances with the emotional tides that come in.

She’s a seasoned professional.

This isn’t her first rodeo.

You aren’t the first one who has broken my heart.

 But you are among the first to take it and run.

If you don’t want anything to do with me, give back what belongs to me.

Until then, I’ll hang off this beautiful cliff.

Wondering what’s just around the corner.

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