first love scorned


I remember a singular moment in my life where despite how chaotic today is, everything fell into place.

You were my first love, and we shared days of grace. Swimming in the deepest blues of Eastern Washington and stealing kisses in your Jetta. I was seventeen and I knew nothing of the days that would come. If I could retrace my steps, I’m not sure if I could, I would tell you everything that’s weighed on my heart for as long as I knew your name. I’d tell you that this is what had to happen because I’m Alicia, and I am a mistake maker. I’d tell you that true love fails, that it takes the road more traveled because of the thought of liability. I’d tell you that you found someone who’d make your journey easier, and that I hoped you still thought of me when you examined the inner stitching of your heart, because years later and tears still fall. I regret. I seriously wonder if I passed up the sole person who I can honestly say was my soul mate. But you visit me in dreams and tell me things aren’t as sweet as they seem and that you’ve been thinking of me. Do I ever honestly cross your mind? Do you sometimes reach out to see if there’s a smile still on my face? I think sometimes life just keeps rolling on and out of it our lives are formed by chance and circumstance

Every embrace brought me closer to home, and after you nothing ever was the same. She’s still alone and a rolling stone.


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