I’m Sorry I’m Not Here

It’s crazy how another soul can walk into your home and have absolutely zero idea of the emptiness, loneliness and desperation you are grappling with internally. I see why people give up–nobody can see into them, nobody is connected anymore. What can you do for me? What do I need to do for you so you can do for me? He’s vacuuming my bathroom and has no idea two hours ago I pictured my SO walking into my house with my soul not into it. Morbid? Sure. If you’ve never though about killing yourself, gold star for you. I’d love to have lived a life where that thought didn’t hunt me down and engage with me, fight with me and wrestle with me to succumb only for me to fight through it. I’ve started asking how people are when I say hi to them so at least on my conscience I know I’ve done what I could to be there for them. (Thanks to Suicide the Ripple Effect movie)

That’s all. Pray for me.

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