“She confidently trusts the Lord to take care of her, Psalm 112:7” says a piece of decor on my desk, but does she really though? I’m grateful and I’ll tell you why, because although I’ve loved the Lord all my life, I haven’t always trusted Him. It’s crazy because God is so good towards us, you would think it would be a natural response to that, but I’ve wandered so much in my walk. But you see, only God has known my heart throughout the years. So many years I wasted chasing and running, rushing and wasting. I was driven by my emotions and couldn’t stomach loving myself let alone know how. It took some hard humbling and seasons lost in the tempest of the most treacherous seas. I felt the feeling of drowning and I stood by watching helplessly. I was so broken nobody could fix me. My priorities were out of alignment. I was so starving for love and affection that I was heart sick. It’s sickening when your vision is restored and you see the truth of how you handled your hurts, wounds and traumas–because when you are famished every bitter thing can taste sweet. You will accept things into your soul that you never would if you were healed and whole. For a long time, I was angry at God. There was a lot I didn’t understand yet (and honestly, still don’t) Honestly I didn’t see the point of my life. Why would I be born–what good was my life if I was this broken without any resolution. In the Bible it says that God’s people perish for lack of vision. If we don’t have hope, a part of our soul dies. All I want to say is I never thought I would see the day where I loved my life again. I didn’t know if or when I’d ever be healthy again. I never thought I’d be restored back to Jesus and I feared I would never become the woman of God that I knew He had called me to be. I think it took building my trust again to bring me to the place of genuine surrender. That is all it took. To be honest, I am learning daily to trust confidently in my Lord, to walk with the Lord like Enoch (look him up, he’s cool. How cool would it be if your name was mentioned once in the Bible and you were known forever for walking with God?!) I digress.

All I can tell you for certain right now, is that if you’re breathing and you have questions, hang tight because God DOES love you, and it’s not over yet! He is faithful to bring things full circle. If you are believing for a miracle or a healing, do not become weary in doing good, and don’t go running off doing bad either. Obedience can be hard, it’s a discipline just as much as it’s a response. It may not be easy, but it will always be worth it. Holiness is a WORTHY pursuit.

Remember, you are adored above.

x Ali

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