you ARE a world changer.

My faith entered the dark room the first Wednesday in January of 2008. Since then I have been locked in on the wildest most exhilarating and excruciating journey of my life. There have been mind-blowing mountain top experiences and lows so low I felt I was on my spiritual death bed. I want to encourage […]

note to self

Elation fills up my soul today. I’m happy because I always overcome. Pain comes in like a flood overtaking me, changing me. As it washes out, I am filled with a quiet peace. Intimacy has made itself one with me through standing strong against the storm. From it, I’m forged. Day by day, little by […]

not a haiku

It’s like all the color just bleeds out of me and I’m left with grey. I need respite but I can only pray. Mounting health concerns and shifting mind, make it hard for myself to find. pray for me waiting out the storm trying to figure out what next steps

Blank

They say “you’re so pretty” I know in that moment she meant it. Feels empty when I’ve been the same person all along. It’s so hard to stand still in a crowded room. I wonder how many people truly feel as sad as I do. I sit by the river because it doesn’t judge me […]

The Dip

This is my first post of 2018 and I’m not going to sugar coat anything. I am going to be completely transparent and real with you. In the past few years I have slept most of my life away, sat through grueling therapy sessions, and spent six months in a group therapy program. I’ve moved […]

Musings on a train

Sweat beads off the hills of my cheek. I wipe it off like the smile I hide when I turn in at night. I hold back deep, dried out wells of tears. I can’t bring myself to heave and sob like I did when I cried out to God. Instead, I tell myself to turn […]

Wide Open Spaces of Grace

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. .Robert Frost. I’m pretty sure that life is an enigma that I will never fully understand. When I compare myself to the journeys of others, my life seems like a complicated, unsolved math […]

not finished yet

Kindness is an act of benevolence. So if being kind is one of the purest forms of altruism, why am I afraid? We’ve been conditioned to distrust from as early as our ability to comprehend and respond. Don’t talk to strangers they said, use the buddy system we were told. I find the line […]

Killswitch

They want a pretty girl, a quiet girl–someone who blends into a riot world. They want a Jesus girl, a peaceful girl, a go-with-the-flow, straight up meek-like girl. They want a square to fit into a square kind of girl, don’t make a sound kind of girl, be careful don’t make waves kind of girl. […]

Bloody Stumps

My nail beds crack at the seams as they hold on for hope–merely clinging to life itself. Bloody good for nothing stumps they are, attached at my delicate wrists. The faint painting of a light pink rose and galaxy hold my pulse in place, effortlessly. From my wrists blood flows up through my dark heart, […]